Knowing thyself includes all of it. Knowing what you desire and why. Unfortunately fetish got watered down as well. It got reduced to German goo doll sex, leather, black and red. Abuse. Weakness. Totally silly step child of fetish is what the US version became. Domination and submission are very biochemical. The release of control, the control in the surrender are all so meaningful to be respected and intense. The absolute control is in the hands of the one who surrenders. The one who chooses to be on their knees. Humiliation is really not what I recommend for a low vibe lack of emotional intelligence couple. Why because it will linger. Vs be experienced and enjoyed then let go of. Infinitely. Let go. Surrendering to a needy person, one who lacks control in their personal life. This person maybe a bad boy or wild girl and oh so kinky just like your inner desires but are they a good nurturing noble leader. One who takes the submissive over the threshold of pain by heightening the energy of arousal to embrace the intensity of the release not just Mentally Emotionally Or physically But on a soul level. Remember the fetish is rooted somewhere and it can trigger a past long ago buried trauma. A good dominant used to nurture and groom the submissive or slave and want the submissive to become stronger. Healed and do what they were afraid to do or have the guts to rise and say no. Nothing ever happens without the submissive's consent. If the submissive is not aware of this they are weak. Some weak and broken dominas or dommes will seek the broken or the broken seek them drawn by the lack. There is no wrong or right in this, it is just attraction to that surrender. If they can not do it themselves at least they get to see it in another. If they deliver pain or lies in the "real" they normally will want a cleansing flogging or pain in order to find that balance. See?! Embracing things with love and compassion you see that all are just in line for happiness ....although there is no need to wait in line. It is your birthright. The twist to fetish is to play safely and for just that! The balance. Explore. Be it to later say "not for me"? that's ok. Explore Do not do so with ill intentions If you sense ill intentions towards you then stir your energy. Is it you or them? Explore in a state of play. In a state of fun for the experience not because another person outside of yourself wants to. Not because you do not. Lol Consent is step by step go as far as you are comfortable with. No one does it better No one does it worse In sex and love You either both win or you both lose Both are necessary Not as simple yet actually not so difficult. Roleplay before going to a dungeon or intense fetish convention Don't watch porn hub fetish instead find your fetish. Just go down the list of 200 or so fetish things and play the ones that you resonate with, out. You may love food all over your body and eating off your partner You may love mascots or funny stories played out. You may like electrical play or medical or outdoors, indoors Why can't you openly discuss these without feeling persecuted after. Goes for both men and women
Be ready for your partner to unveil some kink. If emotionally intelligent they will express more as to why but for these purposes it need not be necessary to go in detail. The main goal is to assist eachother in balance of self and together, to create and cultivate nourishing soil for a good night or nights to grow. The main thing is to not judge or use as a tool to manipulate someone. Not good for either party. But this too can be used and taken as deep as you want to. With the only difference that humiliation need not be a part of it if that is not to be forgotten after play. Also among lower emotional intelligence couples name calling should be avoided. No one should take unfair mean advantage using their position if being done for love for play and exploration. No need If there is then you have yourself a psychotic bundle of joy. Lick Suck Latex Rubber Boxes Swings Do Do Do Remember there is a point of neutrality in all and your middle path may not be your partner's middle path.
Embrace the radical differences if there are any. How fun if there are! If this is met with ridicule or shame or guilt then that be a loss for both.
Have fun!!
Shakti
